Memory Lane Learning

Written by Nithyasree J
Leadership Open Elective taught by Jibrael Jos
Nov 2018 at Christ University

As I waited for the call to connect, trying to get my thoughts in order and formulating a meaningful narrative for the questions I was to ask, never once did I think of how out of-the-blue the ensuing conversation would be for my 70 year-old interviewee. She was, as it turns out, more than eager to share her life’s learnings.

“God has given us life,” said she, the very first thing on her mind when asked about her learnings. She believes that we have to be creative, manage our issues, and keep ourselves happy throughout life so as to not disappoint the great power that gifts us it. In the same vein, it is essential to keep society happy, and follow necessary morals in everything that we do.

When further questioned, she responded with the clandestine statement that life and learning go side-by-side. We learn every day. The nature of what we learn depends on our circumstances, company, and society; all playing a significant role. After all, kids in their formative years are like sponges to the culture and traditions around them. She went on to say that good company teaches good manners, views, and ideas, and makes one happy and content.

There is no denying the huge age gap between her generation and my own; neither of us were negligent of the same. She believes that millennials and Gen Z ought to understand the deeper meaning behind actions and words, rather than treating them superficially. The modern generations are even blessed with technology and resources that theirs could never have dreamed of! It is only prudent to use said resources to develop the “deeper understanding” in question, and add to our knowledge. “Practicality does not mean ignoring responsibilities,” is what she had to say about kids my age. She finds my generation “not that bad,” and encourages us to adjust with whomever we want to. The comprehension of the fact that society behaves how it does in situations is because of some reason will make great strides in bringing balance to life.

At this point, it was becoming more and more evident to me how varied her life had been, and where her truths and ideals lay. According to her, for women, life changes four times, and different learnings should be derived from each phase. The first begins from birth until one comes of age, where their parents take care of them throughout and nurture them into an individual. The second is marriage, and subsequently either adjusting to the new family, or molding them to you. Personally, I believe that there is a healthy middle ground for the same. The third phase comes with becoming a parent, where everything centers on one’s child. The experience is transformative; after all, carrying life around for nine months makes one attached to it like no other prior, and results in never-before-felt emotions. Whenever one’s kid does something growing up, one tends to be happy, annoyed, or anything in between, but one always overthinks. With every success and every stumble, the parent is prone to analyze the situation an absurd amount, but which ultimately leads to healthy growth of both them and their kid. If one does not learn, life simply keeps trudging along, largely unchanged and, in all honesty, remains painfully dull. And finally, the last stage is old age where, after living a long and hopefully fulfilling life, the one’s children provide support and care.

Being extremely satisfied with our discussion thus far, I decided to wrap up with a final, deceptively weighty question – What was one thing that she dearly wished for me and others my age to take to heart?  As with the other things, she was quick to deliver. She said that she had lived her life in her own way, and had been through a lot. So, when kids live in their own way, there really is no harm to that. Parents can adjust. They shouldn’t enforce their own ideas on to the young adults, and in essence, live and let live.  Those that have managed to adapt and adjust are more happy and comfortable than others, who prefer to stay alone. The latter might feel that they indeed are satiated, but that illusion crashes down around them when need arises due to sickness and ailing health. We are social animals, after all.

“Learning is very important in all stages and, if you keep learning, life will be happy.” She firmly believes that the direction we want our own journeys to take depends solely upon whether or not we are willing to learn at every possible avenue and opportunity. She closed by mentioning her grandson and daughter-in-law, which had brought about unforeseen, yet happy, changes to her own life, when she did not expect it.

As it stood, the interview was over. Where she had been through a journey of self-discovery, mine had only just begun. The heavy emphasis on learning and adjusting is one that stuck out to me, and, though I was on-board with the former since the beginning, the latter is something I still have conflicted feelings about. To me, it still feels right to not be absolutely submissive to every undesirable change about oneself, and always yearn for a greater state of being. Of course, adjusting does become a necessity, and is in most cases the right thing to do, but that should not make it the default path to tread down. I may be wrong here, but, who’s to say that this is not one of my own life’s learnings, one that I hold true forever? All will be made clear in a few years’ time. After all, wisdom does come with age.